Victories

“We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. They they become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred.” -C.S. Lewis

I stumbled upon this quote this week, and it really spoke to me… especially in this journey of changing my thought patterns about food.  I have let food become a god in my life… an idol.  I focus on it constantly, thinking about when I will eat again… what it will be… I need it now… my belly isn't feeling full enough… until finally I would eat way more of it than I should have, and then would start to go through the thoughts of I shouldn't have eaten… what is wrong with me… why do I love food so much.

The vicious cycle… it controls me… it holds me down.  Just when I feel that I get a handle on it, it grabs ahold and pulls me down further.  It truly became my god… and then my demon.  And I have been battling it all too long.

The last few weeks on this Made To Crave journey, I have realized that "I have been made for more.  I have been made for more than this vicious cycle of food." (quoting Lysa Terkeurst in Made To Crave). I am God's child.  He wants what is best for me.  And He made me for more… I claim that!  And because of that mind frame, I have had successes these last few weeks.  I have been able to control the cravings.  I have been able to say no to food.  I have been able to turn down my favorite dessert even though everyone else is eating it.  I have been able to stick to my fast while watching others eat yummy Chipolte burritos in front of me.  I have been able to succeed by grabbing onto God, who loves me and cares for me and wants more for me!

Now, in the future, will I have struggles?  Absolutely!  And that is when I will have to cling to God… to turn to Him and crave Him even more.  But this is setting up a foundation to get rid of my love and demon once and for all.  Will I always love food?  Absolutely!  But do I love God more?  Most definitely!  And because of my love for Him, I will not put food up as an idol again!

1 Peter 5:7-8a

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert." (1 Peter 5:7-8a)

Cast all your anxiety…
     Every worry
     Every negative thought
     Every "I have to fill this craving!"

Because he cares for you…
     God cares for ME!!!
     God cares… he knows me… he wants to help me… he loves me
     God doesn't want to see me worried/upset/anxious

Be self-controlled…
     Don't listen to the voices inside my head
     Don't listen to the cravings
     Think things through!

Be alert…
     Pay attention to how I am feeling
     Pay attention to what is going on around me
     Pay attention to the temptations that have been placed before me
 

Free From Captivity

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you" declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."  (Jeremiah 29:12-14)

I keep coming back to this scripture this week… it is sitting on my heart… it is resonating with me and this journey that I am on.

God will listen to me when….
     …. I call upon him
     …. I come to him
     …. I pray

I will find God when….
     …. I seek him will all my  heart

When I find God….
     …. He will bring me out of the captivity that I am living in.

What is the captivity that I am living in?
     …. Unhealthy food choices
     …. Overeating
     …. Food food food

Oh how I want to be free of this battle!  Oh how I want to be free of this captivity!!  I don't want to have to live this way anymore.  I don't want to be a slave to food for one more day!!!  I want to be free!  And to do that, I need to seek God with all of my heart so that I can find him… focus on him… crave God in all areas of my life.

So I am seeking God… focusing on him to fill my needs… fill the voids that are in me.  Craving God!

Empowered… Living by the Spirit

With my sister being in Africa for the next 6 months, and with all the worry that comes for her safety while she is there, I have decided to fast once a week and be intentional about being in prayer for her.  Now, fasting is not one of my favorite things to do at all.  I love food… plan my day around it.  But with my Made To Crave study and my focus on changing my hear this year, I thought it was even more important for me to fast once a week and to be intentional in seeking God.

So Wednesdays this year are my fast days.  My husband has so graciously agreed to fast with me.  And for the most part, I am shocked at how I can keep my focus away from food for that one day.  I can really focus my attention on other things and not on when I am going to get my next food fix.  The bad thing is that when I go "off" the fast, I go crazy! Again, a heart issue that I have to work on.

I am learning a lot through fasting.  One is that for that one day, food doesn't have the same hold on me that it does for the other 6 days.  Completely removing food from the equation makes it so there is no battle to fight.  Now obviously, I can't completely remove food out of my life, but it shows me that it has less power over my life than I allow it to have.  I feel empowered over food in those hours of fasting, and it is a wonderful feeling.  Another thing that I learn is to focus on God, praying every time I feel hunger pains.  I not only lift up my sister and her journey in Africa, but it helps me be even more intentional at praying for those who I know are struggling.

While I know there will be struggles through this journey of fasting, I am feeling empowered by the lessons that I am learning so far.  And I know that by submitting myself to God, I can resist temptations and not be conformed to this world.

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Galatians 5:16)

Change of Heart

I have always struggled with food… always been a little overweight… always been not happy with how I have looked.  And a few years ago, I was able to lose 60lbs!!  But then, like most diets, the weight has slowly crept back.  While I have not gained all 60lbs back, I have gained a few.  I don't know how many times I have tried to get back on track, then found something delicious that I really wanted to eat, pigged out on it, failed, then woke up the next morning promising to get back on track only to have the cycle repeat.  And it isn't like I am just eating a piece of chocolate… it is that I am eating the entire bag of chocolate plus a bag of chips plus whatever else I set my eyes on.  The battle that continually rages inside of me over food is sickening.  It takes up all of my thoughts when the seed is laid.  It destroys how I feel about myself when i fail.  It makes me feel like I can't beat this.  And I am captive to the big food monster.  

After failing and failing and failing again… crying out to God again and again and again… shedding many tears, God shed light onto my battle.  He clearly pointed out to me that food is my idol.  I put it above all else.  When I think about it, I can't stop until I put it in my mouth.  I obsess most of the day about what I can find.  When I am alone, I pig out because there is no one there to hold me accountable.  I turn to it in the best of times and the worst of times.  Food comes above all else.  And realizing that made me sad and ready for a heart change.  I am tired of the struggle.  I don't want this battle for the rest of my life.  It is time to end it now!!

Starting in January, I began this journey of changing my heart.  Have I failed since then?  Absolutely!  Have I had victories since then?  Most definitely!!!  And I am determined that now is the time that I will beat this!  Now is the time that I will overcome!  Now is the time that I walk away from this captivity into freedom in God!!  It is only with his help that I will overcome.  It is only by God's grace that I will leave this battle.  It is only by turning my heart back to God that I will be done with this struggle that I have had for almost 35 years.  

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."  (Jeremiah 29:12-14)

My journey starts with Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  Her words are inspiring!  Her words are my words, which makes it even more relatable to my journey, and more impactful.  And with the help of 40,000 other women, I know that I will overcome!  God will bring me back from captivity as I seek him with all my heart.