Friday, February 17, 2012

The Long Race

For those of you who don't know me, there is something very important that I have to share with you now.  I hate to run.  Hate it.  I grew up an athlete, so all the way up into my college years, the only time that I ran was when I was made to by a raving lunatic of a coach (okay, so they weren't all that bad, but you get the picture).  Just over a year ago, I decided to embark on a journey of losing some weight.  It first started off with walking the dog every other morning.  As I would walk, this voice in my head would start talking to me.  "You should run a marathon!  You could so run a marathon! Look at how those people on the Biggest Loser do it.  You have no excuse.. you could completely do it!"  And so, I started to believe it.  But I thought that a marathon might be a little too ambitious.  Perhaps I should start with a smaller goal.  That goal became the Bolder Boulder, a 10K race that is run on Memorial Day in Boulder, CO.  So I began to train and prepare for this race.  As I started to run, just minutes at a time, the voice in my head suddenly sounded very different.  "Run?  Are you crazy?  You can't run! You can't even breathe! What are you thinking?!  You can't do this!"  My running voice is not so nice.  And that is what I had to battle every day that I trained.

Well, Memorial Day 2011 finally came, and I was prepared.  I ran the Bolder Boulder, and had such an amazing time doing it that I actually have decided that I need to run it every year.  The long, hard work of training myself to run a 10K was so worth it when I crossed that finish line that Monday morning. 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1)

This week I am tired.  I am tired of praying the same thing over and over and over again.  I feel like I have been pouring my heart out to God over the same thing over and over, and it just isn't doing anything.  And I am tired of this desire of my heart, and desire of my husband's heart to not be answered.  I am tired of waiting.  Ever get that way?

"You have heard of Job's endurance." (James 5:11)

When I am reminded of Job and his life, I realize what endurance really is.  And I thought running a 10K was bad!! I can't even imagine having the endurance that Job did... losing his family, his home, his wealth... everything and still having the faith that he did.  It is the kind of faith that I hope for... that I pray for... yet there is no way that I want to get that faith the way that Job did!!  In the end, Job endured and God blessed him with double of what he had.

I know that I can't rush God.  I know that I can't push him into doing what he is not ready to do.  And I know that sometimes, I have to wait... that there is a purpose in waiting, and it can be as simple as helping me strengthen my faith muscle.  And in my head, this little voice is screaming at me, "this is too hard!!  I can't keep going on!  How long, O Lord?"  But I keep pushing forward... keeping praying and laying my heart open before him.  In His time, he will answer.  In His time, I will see.  In His time. 

I can't wait for the moment when I can say as Job did, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:5)

And no, I have no plans of running a marathon.  The race that I am running right now is long enough!

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