I have to confess… this week has been back to the same old "run to food and eat as much as you can" kind of week. It has been hard… it has been depressing… it has made me feel like a failure yet again… and the lies creep in and get another strong hold in my life. I hate it. I hate this battle with food. I hate the control that it has over me… the way I just mindlessly eat whatever I can shove into my mouth, even when I am to the point of being beyond full. I hate how it makes me feel like I have to sneak around and shove food into my mouth before anyone sees what I am doing and the mess that I am in. And I keep coming back to "who really cares?"
And then I come to Chapter 8 in Made to Crave. In the chapter, Lysa Terkeusrst talks about "defining your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale." Obedience… something that I can actually tangibly see and feel. I have not been obedient to God. And God does care! He cares that I am obedient to him. He cares that I am faithful. Yes, he knows that I will make mistakes, but he also cares that I succeed! He wants me to be obedient, not because it is good for him, but because he knows that it is best for me.
I have been an athlete for most of my life. I played college volleyball. And let me tell you how I feel about obedience. YUCK! I don't want to be obedient! I don't want to do what someone else is telling me to do! And yet, when I look back at the times that I have had to be obedient in my life, they have always been for my good. Yes, obedience requires you to put your full trust into someone else, but shouldn't God already have my full trust?
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). God has plans for me! Good plans! Plans that will not harm me. Plans to prosper me. Plans to give me hope. Plans for a future. And if I am not obedient, those plans can't happen.
This year, my focus is a change of heart. And here is one of those changes of heart that I need to have. I need to delight in obedience! I need to delight in knowing that my actions with food is me being obedient to God. I need to delight in the plans that he has for me through my obedience. I need to delight in my obedience instead of focusing on what I can't eat, or what the number on the scale says. I choose now to delight in obedience!