My whole life, I have always been expected for greatness. I was always at the top of my class... school came easy to me, and I applied myself to achieve success. I have the genes of a great athlete, and as I applied myself and worked very hard, I became very good at any sport I participated in. I worked at being a kind person, a good friend to everyone around me. I even did everything in my power to be the best daughter that I could be because I hated letting my parents down. As I graduated and gave my salutatorian speech, the pressure of succeeding and doing great things in the world just seemed to be the way my life would always be.
Today as I began reading the chapter entitled "The Fear of Failure" in Angie Smith's Book, What Women Fear, I honestly didn't think that this fear really applied to me. Fear of failure? I don't really fear failing at all.... right??
But as I started to really reflect, really analyze my life I realize that this fear plagues a lot of my life. The fear of failing as a wife and a parent... the fear of failing at living a good Christian life... the fear of letting others down... the fear of failing in keeping my weight at a healthy number.... Oh I fear failure.
A lesson that I have been learning the last few months is that God is the only audience that matters. Even though there are all of these people around me that I try to impress, whether it is my parenting skills, my marriage, my work, being a good Christian, I need to focus on the only opinion that matters: God's. And I can't truly fail God unless I disobey him. Now, while that seems so simple and easy, I have found it a struggle. And so I strive at just keeping my eyes on him. I strive to focus my attention on the things that God would have me focus my attention on... listening to his still voice and letting it lead me. I try to tune out the other voices that surround me, and focus on the only one that matters in this life. And if I can do that, then and only then will I finally have a handle on this fear.