Failure

My whole life, I have always been expected for greatness.  I was always at the top of my class... school came easy to me, and I applied myself to achieve success.  I have the genes of a great athlete, and as I applied myself and worked very hard, I became very good at any sport I participated in.  I worked at being a kind person, a good friend to everyone around me.  I even did everything in my power to be the best daughter that I could be because I hated letting my parents down.  As I graduated and gave my salutatorian speech, the pressure of succeeding and doing great things in the world just seemed to be the way my life would always be.

Today as I began reading the chapter entitled "The Fear of Failure" in Angie Smith's Book, What Women Fear, I honestly didn't think that this fear really applied to me.  Fear of failure?  I don't really fear failing at all.... right??

But as I started to really reflect, really analyze my life I realize that this fear plagues a lot of my life.  The fear of failing as a wife and a parent... the fear of failing at living a good Christian life... the fear of letting others down... the fear of failing in keeping my weight at a healthy number.... Oh I fear failure.

A lesson that I have been learning the last few months is that God is the only audience that matters.  Even though there are all of these people around me that I try to impress, whether it is my parenting skills, my marriage, my work, being a good Christian, I need to focus on the only opinion that matters: God's.  And I can't truly fail God unless I disobey him.  Now, while that seems so simple and easy, I have found it a struggle.  And so I strive at just keeping my eyes on him.  I strive to focus my attention on the things that God would have me focus my attention on... listening to his still voice and letting it lead me.  I try to tune out the other voices that surround me, and focus on the only one that matters in this life.  And if I can do that, then and only then will I finally have a handle on this fear.