I am reflecting on the story of Hagar as I just completed reading Chapter 1 in "What Women Fear", and am reflecting on the "what if's" that plague my life. I never thought that I was a woman that lived in fear. But now I can honestly say after some deep reflection that I am a woman that has a lot of "what if's" that bury their way into my brain. "What if something happens to my children and my husband?" "What if something happens to my parents and my sister?" "What if the sins of my past will haunt me forever with their consequences?" "What if God is too angry with me to listen?" "What if we didn't follow God's will in our move?" "What if God won't provide a job for my husband?" See what I mean? The "what if's" are endless.
The thing that I have realized is that the "what if's" only are as powerful as I allow them to be. Some days, I allow them to be huge and powerful in my life, and the fear overwhelms me. And some days, I am able to take control of those "what if's" and push them away with the knowledge that God will provide... that my God will always be there.
I once did a Beth Moore study where she talked about the "what if's". She went through the whole scenario of "what if something happened to her marriage". And when she got down to it, she realized that she would be ok because God is faithful. And that is where I have to move myself to... I will be okay because I know that my God loves me and that he is faithful. No, that doesn't mean that life is going to be roses. But it does mean that God will always, and I mean ALWAYS be right beside me, providing.
Hagar finds herself out in the middle of the desert believing that she is at the end of her rope and that God will not provide for her and her son... and that her son will surely die. But when God speaks to her and opens her eyes, she sees that he has provided for her all along... that she is near a well.
God, please open my eyes in the midst of my fears. Remind me that my fears only have as much power as I allow them to have. Remind me that when I do find myself in the midst of those fears, those "what if's", that all I need to do is lay them at your feet. And help me to remember that You are always next to me, always providing for me, always loving me.